Legacy

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There is no getting around the fact that each day we grow older. There are zero exceptions although many try to defy this reality by behaving and dressing and looking younger than they really are. As children, we don’t give aging a second thought because it is inconceivable. By the time we hit adolescence we think we are invincible and still don’t give aging any thought, except to acquire a driver’s license. As young adults and married couples, we are so busy with life’s demands that we don’t dwell on growing old. When we become middle aged, we are supposedly at the peak of our earning potential and enjoying life so we shrug off aging. It’s not until we begin to take care of our parents that the reality of mortality really hits home. Besides, there are more aches and pains than in the past.

Growing old is not a bad thing, at least if one is reasonably healthy and has his or her basic needs met. In fact, some of the youngest people I know are in their seventies and eighties! They don’t think old, but are wise and intelligent. They enjoy life and  others. They help those who really need help. They become role models to their grandchildren and others who respect them.

This old farmstead has aged. It served those well who built it and utilized its resources. Over time, I believe the owners and family adapted as well as they could due to the changing culture. But, at some point, the usefulness hit a dead end. The barn with silo and pastures outlived their purpose and fell into disarray. It troubles me to witness such neglect, but the owner’s story could be a difficult one and there may not have been the resources or need to keep up this place. It’s possible the original owners were honorable and hard working people, respected by all. As a side note, I like old barns. For me there is something magical about them, and I enjoy photographing them, as well. Rather a paradox…disliking the neglect, but enjoying the result.

While visiting my dentist the other day he shared with me about his changing life. One daughter just got married. One daughter finished school and works for him as a hygienist. The last daughter will be attending college next year. He then mentioned that at this point in his life he has began thinking about his legacy. I understood what he meant, but I couldn’t really relate. Many people focus on their legacy with respect to their posterity and position in society. There certainly is nothing wrong with doing so, it’s just that I never have. Whatever I am and do (and have done) will speak for itself after I am gone. I simply hope the positives outweigh the negatives and I have blessed others along the way.

 

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My father-in-law for forty-two years died Wednesday after a seven year battle with Alzheimer’s; that dreaded disease of the brain which also kills the body. Ugly.

Cheryl and I remarked that we are now the oldest generation within our immediate families…all of our parents and grand parents are gone. Strange feeling.

So many memories and situations. Not all were terrific, but the majority were good. Charlie always treated me with respect and with generosity. I am grateful.

Life goes on, but I feel like this abstract painting I photographed-it is full of mystic and interpretation, but leaves one wondering. I wonder about so many things.

Rest in peace, Charlie. Rest in peace. This is your time of reunion.

 

Won’t Go Down Without a Fight

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The expression, “He (she, I) won’t go down without a fight”, refers to someone who refuses to quit under duress. The term can be applied in many ways to fight: by physical defense or assault, by using one’s wits, by the intellect (sound reasoning), through the legal system, by political posturing and use of power or by sheer willpower.

Most often we tend to admire the one who fights for what he believes to be right and true, and even on occasion we may respect someone’s tenacity even if we disagree with him. Do you ever think about yourself in this way? Have you had reason to stand your ground and fight lately? Ever? Regardless of the outcome, how did this stand make you feel: good about yourself or poorly? If you won, did you gloat or humbly move on? If you lost did you crawl under a rug or stand tall again?

At some point, and often at many junctures in life, we will have to choose to fight, run away or surrender. If the issue is just and you are called on to take a stand and fight for what is right, I hope you fight. That statement reminds me of Lee Ann Womack’s lyrics where she sings, “And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance”. I have reacted to fights in all three ways. Of course, I prefer to recall the fight the just cause and win scenarios best. However, I have learned from my failures…maybe even more so then the victories.

These Black-eyed Susans are fighting to bloom until the first frost stifles them. Sure, some have surrendered to the fading sun and cooler temps, but several are still hanging on. They want to share their essence for as long as they possibly can. That is how I want to live the rest of my life. You, too?

Does Father Know Best ?

11-16-13 005Father Knows Best was an idyllic weekly show that aired on television from 1954 to 1960. It starred Robert Young and Jane Wyatt, along with their three fictional children. The show was based on a middle class family in a suburban midwest town. It was a drama / comedy type show which portrayed dad as a thoughtful father who offered sage advice and a mom who was the voice of reason. Much of my description comes from Wikipedia, and is accurate. Fast forward to 2014 and what does father look like in today’s culture. Here’s my observation. Hollywood and advertisers have made father to look like a buffoon and is generally the laughing-stock of most shows and commercials. Gone are the days where father may have known best, and instead we find father (if he is even around) as not knowing how to do anything. If he attempts something which requires any degree of difficulty or intelligence, he fails. However, mom can do no wrong and performs the man’s tasks with relative ease.
The feminist revolution which began in the 60s turned our culture upside down as far as roles and perceptions are concerned. I will be the first to acknowledge that there were (and still are) inequalities among the sexes in America. Many of these have been corrected, but often at the expense of our understanding of what real fatherhood looks like. But, it goes deeper than that, as the change in roles and perceptions are really about men in general-the American male, to be exact. And, if he happens to be a Christian father with moral convictions, watch out as the rhetoric can become ugly.
Was there ever a perfect father like Jim in this TV show? No. Was there ever a mom who always was the voice of reason as was Jane? Again, no. But why have the tables flipped so drastically that men have been demoted to bumbling idiots and yet women are portrayed as smarter and better equipped to handle any situation or crisis? This is not to say that in some cases women are better equipped, but not unilaterally so. Also, I do recognize that guys can act like children at times. and deserve some criticism.
I acknowledge that Father Knows Best created a quasi-accurate portrayal in its presentation of the common family. To begin with that family was white middle class and only dealt with issues of little cultural significance. Then, like today, our culture was diverse. There were many classes, many colors, many economic variances, many social issues and many barriers. Fortunately, many of the negative issues of that time have been corrected, or at least have improved. But not the American male. No sir. He is portrayed as incompetent, bigoted, foolish, silly and dumb. Actually, I know some of those folks myself, but they are in the minority and not the majority as we are led to believe. Wow, I really do know some of those guys!
One of the few times the media portrays fathers (and men in general) as being reasonable, smart and manly is around Father’s Day. The reason…consumerism and the selling of goods to make money. Once this holiday is over the advertising media will revert to its previous froth that men are no longer manly.
Most of the men I have known, and now know; and most of the fathers I have known, and now know are not morons. Imperfect, yes, but they have brains, they work hard, they make wise decisions and give prudent advice, they lead by example and are humble. Of course, there are always exceptions. I submit to you that fathers, when they can be found with their families, are much better creatures than we have been led to believe over the past fifty years. As a side note, the case of the missing father is a deep issue which requires more time and space than I can offer in this post.

Is there room for improvement? Yes. However, let us start from a better premise which states that fathers (and men) in America are thoughtful, reasonable, intelligent, creative, strong, kind and wise human beings who care about their families and our culture. Some respect would be a nice change of pace. Does father know best? Not always, but more often than not. If my dad were here, I would tell him so. Perhaps you should, too. Hopefully, he is deserving of such praise.

P.S. The photo is of my father-in-law, taken recently with my cell phone. I love Charlie.

P.S.S. This post is not a rant, but simply something that has bothered me for a while and is strictly my opinion. I hope no one has concluded that I do not value women because I do very much. Also, this dynamic about males not being respected in our culture (my perception) may not apply to other cultures, and I understand that.